Saying Goodbye is Never Easy

Tonight I am writing what will be my last post from China. I kind of have a heavy heart. There is a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. My feelings are mixed as we gather up our belongings and pack our bags for the long flight home tomorrow.

How is it that I am so excited and anxious to get off that plane and see my family and friends, who I miss so dearly, yet I am so very sad that our trip has come to an end?

When we set out on this journey almost 5 years ago, I never imagined in my wildest dreams what I have experienced these last two weeks. They have been nothing short of miraculous on so many different levels.

This trip is not for the faint of heart and it is far from a dream vacation, but it has been an experience of a lifetime that I will never ever forget. I pray that I will retain every last detail so that one day I can share it with my daughter.

Instead of writing about what we did today, I wanted to share some of the more memorable moments of our two weeks in China.


I never posted this picture, but Marla took it the second she realized the cute little girl sitting on the bench with the tell tale two fingers in her mouth, was Reagan. She was supposedly not even there yet, but when we looked up from our paperwork there she was sitting with her Nanny with her little arm wrapped through the strap of her purse. Yes, she was destined to be my daughter she already has a love of handbags.


That very first day I could not stop staring at Reagan. I was fixated on her and almost could not believe that I was there and she was with me. The one thing that struck me immediately was her eyes. She has the most beautiful and expressive eyes I have ever seen on a child. She does not need to speak a word. Her eyes really say it all, don’t they?


Reagan has blossomed right before us.


I was so very worried those first few days in Changsha as we watched her basically shutdown. You tell yourself it is normal, but in the back of your mind you pray that it is only temporary and that they will pull out of it quickly.


Thankfully she did!


She has a smile that could light up a room and she is not afraid to use it to get what she wants.


I feel the need to talk a little bit about the people that have surrounded me on this trip. I feel incredibly blessed to have had Marla along with me every step of the way. I honestly do not know what I would have done without her by my side. Words cannot express how much it means to me and to my family that she was able to make the trip....and capture all those spectacular images along the way for us. She and Derek made lots of sacrifices to make it happen and we are so grateful for their generosity. They will always be Aunt Marla and Uncle Derek to Miss Reagan and will always hold a special place in our hearts. I think we might be making our way to Texas before too long for a visit because we are certainly going to miss Aunt Marla. We had such a good time together. In addition to all the special and tender moments that Marla got to witness, there were lots of laughs and funny stories that neither of us will ever forget. We might have to share a few of those once we get home!

While in Changsha we had the most incredible guide, Susan. She was PERFECT in every way and tended to our every need. Marla and I already miss her and told her that when we bring our daughters back to China for a Heritage Tour, she HAS TO be our guide again. She was born and raised in Changsha and knew it like the back of her hand. In addition, she did everything within her power to grant our wish to go to the orphanage and accompanied us that very special day.

As I am sure you all know from my previous post, that day was unsurpassable. I can’t imagine this trip without the day we got to spend in Chenzhou.


We were immediately taken with the sights and sounds of the city. It was very different from where we were staying in Changsha. It was only within a matter of minutes of looking at the orphanage surroundings for me to realize how different Reagan’s life would be if she were not adopted. It hit me hard and deep and I could not shake that eerie feeling the rest of the day.


I found myself walking the city streets and inspecting every inch of the city....her city.


With each person we saw or came into contact with, I had to wonder if they could somehow be related to my daughter.


As for the children of Chenzhou, I would be lying if I said that they did not haunt my dreams, especially the young boy in the orange who said “Hi Mama” every time he saw us. I know he touched your hearts as he did ours. When I looked through my photos, I realized I had another one of him. He sat on that little bench eating his rice as happy as could be. He had the sweetest personality and it broke my heart to think of him day after day eating there in the room full of crying babies. How could a child be happy living that kind of life? I would imagine it is because he does not know anything different.


Room 512, the baby room. Reagan’s room.
She lived 10 months of her life in this room and when we walked through the door I was overcome by what I saw; babies from 4 weeks to 12 months old, some waiting for families, some who will never have families.


Reagan’s crib was empty the day we visited. I would assume by now it is occupied by another child. I only pray that child is as fortunate as our daughter and will find a forever family.

China is a country that I am not sure I will ever fully understand, but I have grown to love and respect.

I entered this country two weeks ago and was handed a child who was essentially a stranger and now I am leaving with a beautiful, loving little girl who is officially my daughter. There is no greater gift.

China will forever hold a piece of my heart and I know that I will sob as the plane pulls away from the gate. It is such a bittersweet feeling for me. Although Reagan will have a very good life in America, I am about to take my daughter away from everything familiar. Everything she once knew will be left behind and the only pieces to her past are tucked into her suitcase. A note handwritten by her birthmother and the outfit she was wearing the day she was found.

Thank you for following our journey.
Your prayers, comments, and emails have meant so much to us.
I will continue to post about China once I get home as I have lots of photos and things that I didn't have time to cover while here.
Praying for a safe and uneventful trip home.