Since the day she was placed into my arms in China, we have never been separated for longer than a work day.... 8-10 hours at most.
Today that is going to change. I am going on a business trip and I will not be back until Friday night.
I have butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat knowing that I will not be here for her every morning when she wakes up, each night when she goes to bed, and all the moments in between.
This trip was planned back in February and it seemed so far away.....but in the blink of an eye, the months flew by.
About 10 days ago I started getting really nervous about leaving. I even had a conversation with my boss where I hinted that I was not ready to leave her. He is a family man and he gets it. He told me the decision was mine and if I wanted to cancel the trip, I could. But in the next breath, he told me that with the direction I was headed with the company he thought it would be a good experience for me to go and if I wanted to cut the trip short by a day or two, that would be fine too.
Working in a predominantly male industry, I knew I had to make an attempt. My boss has been so good to me and to my family over the years, I had to do this. I know he would never hold it against me, but I just would not want it hanging over my head that I bailed at the last minute or that I could not really do all that my job description entails.....like travel a few times a year.
Ultimately, I think Reagan will be fine.....at least that is what I keep telling myself. I know she is in good hands her with her Daddy, Brother, and Sister. Her daily routine will not change at all.......the only thing that will be missing is me:(
My biggest fear is that she will reject me when I come home because I left her....and I pray that is not the case, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a concern. I know....how selfish of me.
She has done amazingly well the last 7 months and I would hate to see something like this set her back, but I guess we will never know unless we give it a try. If things get bad, I will change my flight and make my way home early. We also plan to skype each day so that we can all see each other. Hoping that this will be a help for everyone involved!
The Mommy guilt is kicking into high gear.......
I am leaving my family to go Las Vegas for our industry's annual convention.
In between meetings, I will be living in the lap of luxury at the Wynn hotel while Pat is here holding down the fort for the next five days. Doesn't seem fair, does it? I wish they could all come with me!
If you are the praying type, you might want to say a prayer or two for Pat.
The darling duo can be a handful from time to time! He will definitely have his work cut out for him.....and I am going to owe him big time when I get back home. He already has a day of golf planned for Saturday, but I think I he is going to need more than a round of golf to unwind after 5 days of flying solo.
Thank you honey.....you are the BEST and I LOVE YOU!
34 comments:
Poor you, Lisa, I know how you feel.
When my son was Reagan's age, I went to Barcelona on a school trip for 5 days, and was worried sick. All was grand when I got back, no rejection, just a bit clingy for a few days after I returned. I did miss him, and the girls, terribly.
Good luck with the trip, try not to worry (though I know that's impossible!, from what I've seen here, Pat will look after Reagan really well, as will Sarah and Nick.
Gorgeous photos, she's getting so big and looks so happy and relaxed.
Lisa,
My heart just bleeds for after reading this post. My hope is that your girl will be fine and you will come a little rested and renewed as a Mom.
lea
xo
Ahhh! do I know this feeling all to well. Leaving adopted children for over a week to bring home other adopted children is very painful too.
I will be praying for all of you! Pat can do it. Scott has stayed home with 5-8 children alone for a week or longer. And you know what our family and marriage is always better for it. :-D
Hugs and love!
Jill
I know this will be so hard on all of you and praying that all is well when you walk back through the door!!!
Blessings and love!
Sharon
We will all be thinking of you....Skype might be helpful for everyone while you are away! Enjoy a cocktail or two ;) and know that Pat has the fort under control!
BIG hugs,
Diane
xoxo
Oh Lisa, I feel for you. I know exactly how you will be feeling. Us mums are so hard on ourselves! Reagan has such a good daddy and she will get everything she needs I'm sure. In fact I suspect there will be some serious spoiling going on! Please let us know how it all goes. dx
So sorry LIsa! I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that. LIttle MIss Reagan will be just fine and you'll be back and everything will be as if you never left.
I recognize the photo shoot place in these pictures! What a great time that was for me!
Try and have some fun!
Lisa, I'd forgotten you were leaving this week. Will be praying for you, Pat and the girls and hoping it goes well for all concerned. It's completely natural to have some guilt but I feel she'll do fine. Skype will help a lot.
Just keep remembering you'll be greeted by squeals of joy and kisses very soon when you return!
And big hugs to you too,
xo Gail
It will be ok. I think it will tough, but it will be ok. It is so hard to leave your babies. Try to have a little fun while you are away. You will be in a very fun atmosphere, let yourself enjoy it.
LOVE the girls dresses, where are they from? A little different from the MJ but just as cute.
Prayers are going out to you and your family. I have a feeling your little one will do just fine with her daddy and siblings in tow. It's amazing how our children are able to adapt with change. It will probably be harder on you.
I hope you're able to relax a bit and will feel rejuvenated upon your return. I have a feeling you're going to need it while Pat recuperates.
xoxo
p.s. Your girls have grown so much in the past few months. Can't believe how different Reagan appears compared to some of the photos in your header. :-) Safe travels!!!
I know it will be so difficult, but I know Miss R will adjust just fine this week! She is a trooper and so is her mama.
Vegas conventions are so awesome when it comes to networking (Doug has been to a few), so I get that it is too hard to pass up. Have a great time!
Saying a prayer for you. :D
I'll be praying for you and your family. I know how hard it is to have to leave especially within that first year home. I bet she surprises you :)
I love Reagan's dress too!
Thanks for the class the other night. I loved it!
Sending you good wishes!
For TubaDad's travels, we've found a couple of things that work well with the girls:
1. Have the kiddos pick a small stuffed animal or toy to take with you, and then send pictures back each day (or a short video if you can manage it) telling what the animal has seen or what he's trying out that day (make sure you're in the pics too).
2. Print a calendar out and put your return date on it and plan a real treat for that day (icecream, sugar cereal for breakfast, whatever). That way the kiddos have something to look forward to and, most importantly, your return date is a concrete thing written down on the calendar (so they know it will happen). Put the calendar on the fridge so they can talk about it (5 days till mama flies home and we get icecream... 4 days till... 3 days till...)
Cheers!
Been there. Felt that way. She will be just fine, though. I remember the first time I left Caroline for a few days...it was truly painful for me. BUT I will always remember when we came home from China, the next morning, I woke up ILL...throwing up all day...in the ER the next night. My sister-in-law took care of her because my husband had to go back to work, and the kids were jet-lagged. My neighbors and friends and sister-in-law were holding down the fort. It was a mess around here. I wasn't able to care for Caroline at all. And I was panicked that our bonding would just fall apart, that she would be so confused.
I'm happy to say that the minute I walked in from the ER, she laid eyes on me and nearly turned inside out with excitement! Her grin and squeals are forever in my mind's eye. :)
Thinking of you and keeping all of you in my prayers!
Janet
I know that with Pat holding down the fort the kids will all be fine and I have no doubt that Reagan will be as happy to see you when you get home on Friday as she is when you get home on a regular evening....she is adored and she knows that...and its evident she loves her Mommy to pieces.
I hope you relax and fill your Mommy Love Cup up while you are there....pamper yourself and enjoy the conversation and dinners with your colleagues....you'll be home before you know it.
Sending hugs
xoxoxo
Dita
PS
Sarah looks like Tatum O'Neil in Paper Moon in these photos....just gorgeous.
And Reagan...what a love!
I have no doubt she will come running straight into your arms the minute she sees you walk through the door and THAT will be well worth the wait!
I was afraid Lily's surgery would impact the bond we had formed in the little time we had her...that she would reject us for putting us through such pain but actually the opposite was true...it has strengthened our bond even more and allowed us both to grow...what a gift.
One of my favorite quotes is this...true growth requires a temporary release of security...praying for growth and peace to flood your soul.
Mike has business in Vegas in September and he booked me a flight to tag along. We are staying at the Aria. I am panicking already about leaving Linhsey and she will be 5 by then...but I have never gone away without her since she has been home. I can tell she is a little nervous about it as well. She is asking a lot of questions and at one point she thought she would be sleeping in our house all alone while we are gone! Poor thing! I hope everything works out as best as it possibly can while you are away, and I hope that the transition back goes very smooth. Good luck!!!!
I am almost totally confident that everything is going to be fine and that she will be all excited when she will see you on Friday or Saturday morning! Honestly, try to enjoy your business, this way, it will be over faster ;o)
isa
Enjoy Vegas and don't let that Mommy guilt ruin your trip. You'll be talking with her every day and she'll know her Mommy is still there and loves her. I bet you she will surprise you when you return. And I know I've told you before, but your boss sounds like the best in the world. What a wonderful guy.
Enjoy!!
Michelle
She's going to do just fine and when you get home? She'll run on those chubby little legs and jump into her mommy's arms! Pat's going to do great and so is that sweet baby.
Have fun and send me some pics of your fabulous time! Tell your boss that I'm always willing to come as y'alls cabana girl. Just sayin'! :)
She will LOVE you up when you get home.
I know your anxiety. I had only spent 3 nights away from Amelia when I went on my first business trip. She didn't sleep well, but she's always had sleep issues and to this day doesn't do the best without me home.
If she's a good sleeper and her routine is uninterrupted she'll do great. It's you I'm worried about. Hang in there!
Praying for you ... hope this week is starting out well. You are amazing!!! Hang in there, Wonderful Momma .... Debbie :-)
we are home almost 7 years and I still have separation anxiety!!!!!--yet I don't think Ava ever did-ha!!!!! so I totally feel your pain!! will be thinking of you!!!!! I'm sure she will be just fine!!!!!Hang in there and enjoy Vegas!!! BTW--where are the girls dresses from--LOVE them and that hair flower too--where did you find it???
BA
Oh Lisa - I know exactly how you feel. About 8 months after bringing Dahlia home, I had to leave for about 4 days. It hurt - period. But we all survived. I recorded my voice singing lullabys and reading little stories - I think it helped. Skyping will be great for her and all of you.
Be thinking about you, my friend!!!
xoxoxo
I am guessing that she will do a lot better than you. :) I understand the anxiety about leaving her 7 months post-adoption. After our adoptions, our kids actually settled in better after a separation (my husband was the one who traveled). Afterwards...seeing him come back...they seemed more assured that family can come and go but family is permanent.
And just a thought about Skype...my younger kids actually melt down after phone or Skype convo's. They do better if they don't have to think about how much they are missing mom or dad, and just stay busy.
Bless your heart, Lisa! I can feel the doubt in this post, but you have loved that baby girl so fiercely. She knows you love her. I have no doubt she will be just fine and will be so excited to see Mommy when you get home! Try and enjoy your trip!!!
I will be thinking of you during this time ... it is much harder on the mommy! I know Pat will do awesome & they will be counting the days until you come back home. Try to enjoy a little of Vegas!!
xoxo - Robin
I just left my son for the first time since he was born two years ago. I cried for days leading up to my 10-day trip to Hong Kong. But in the end it all worked out. I got to focus on myself for a change. Daddy and son made amazing progress in their bond. I'm sure you and your family will be just fine!
Lisa,
Thinking of you! Hope this week goes fast for you! :) I am sure all will be fine and Miss Reagan will come running to you with a big smile when you get home!!
Hugs,
Dawn
I know how you feel, too!
Good luck!!! I'm sure it'll all work out ok!!!
Enjoy the time away and look forward to the reunion.
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